Doors!

I can honestly say that March 7th in the year of 2005 was the worst day of my life. I was woken up at 4:15AM from a deep sleep by my son Michael telling me that the hospital was on the phone. I remember jumping out of bed and opening the door and seeing the look of my son's eye's as he handed me the phone. I remember taking the phone and slightly pushing him out of my room as I closed the door. I don't know what I expected looking back now. Was I expecting them to tell me that miraculously Paul was ok and I could come get him? I sat there dumbfounded listening to this woman, tell me that he had just "Passed Away!"

After the initial shock of the nightmare that she had just laid out to me wore off, and I got up off the corner of my bed and walked to the door. I don't think I was prepared to deal with anything that happened after I opened that door. It seems looking back in a stupid sort of way that everything would have been better if I had never opened that door and stepped outside. Because as soon as I opened that door I had to face reality! My youngest brother Joe was standing there with this look of desperation on his face warning me not to tell him the God awful secret that I knew. All he could do was look at my face and shake his head and grab me and hold me. My kids soon appeared and we all held each other for a few minutes and then I realized the next horror in front of me…..my mom was still asleep! I can remember the walk through the kitchen feeling like it took me hours to get through, I opened the door to her room and the light from the computer room shined in on her sleeping peacefully on the bed. I sat down and looked at her for a very long time, maybe no more than a minute or two but it seemed like hours. I finally got the courage to grab her leg and give it a shake, I said "Mom you need to get up!"

To this day I can remember the horror in her eyes as she jumped up looking at me in her room so early in the morning. There was no pause to get her thoughts together or wonder of why I was there. She reared back and took a deep breath and roared at me "Don't you tell me, don't you tell me!" All I could say was "I'm sorry Mom he is gone!" She hit me on the shoulders, shook me and then held me collapsing on me almost. She deflated inside and I could almost feel her heart break.



What I just shared with you I live with everyday in my head. I can remember everything about it. The smell of the rooms, the weather, even the folded jeans lying on my dresser that morning in my room. I have spent the last few years torturing myself with what if I would have done this and that, and why didn't I notice this happening to him and why did I let him down when he needed me most. I have heard friends tell me how crazy I am for thinking this and how I would have never known how bad it was because Paul never let anyone know how bad anything was with him.

So I want to say now to everyone that has ever said that to me, I thank you. It will never change the way I feel inside but it has let me think about everything in a much clearer light and though most of you think I am bull headed and stubborn, I have listened.



In trying times you definitely find out who your friends are. You find out who will take advantage of you in your time of depression and who picks you back up. So many of my friends at that time came forward to pick me back up. From Willie who brought over food from Boston market as a gesture of help, and then broke down as soon as he saw a picture of my brother in the living room. My Brother Brian's wife Angela who helped even though she was as hurt as the rest of us always had a hug for me when I needed it and so did her sister Patty, and her mom who also brought over a ton of food. I had friends like Anne who I had just met a week before Paul went into the hospital, talk to me on the phone for hours listening to me and helping me get through this. So many friends at work did so many things not only at that moment but for the months going forward that I will never forget any of their generosity.



I have come to realize that this life is all about doors, like the one I opened to tell my family the awful news. Some of us walk through doors together and some we will leave behind because they have their own doors to walk through. I like to think that one day if I keep my nose clean I will walk through a door alone and be welcomed by Paul and many others who have passed on or will pass on, and we will all celebrate this illusion called life down here…………and wait for all of you to join us!

~ Rod

Michaela!

This is Michaela Joy Garecht, she has been missing for far too long. Lets pray that this Beautiful little girl comes home soon......and safe....to her family!

My Brother Paul

My brother Paul was one of the funniest people I have ever known. Now that he is gone all I have is memories and I must say………….Life is very boring without him around. Paul was mentally disabled, but he was also very high functioning. He had a personality that was both toxic and innocent at the same time.

I want to start writing and sharing some Paul stories on my blogs, so people can learn what we had in our lives.



One thing about Paul was that his relationship with animals was not a good one. Every pet we had hated him with a passion. They say animals can sense things about people, and I guess all of our pets learned really quick that there was something about Paul they didn't like.

My Mom and my stepfather Marty owned a carpet cleaning business. My stepfather always had a tendency to forget that Paul wasn't like everyone else and would put us all in stupid situations that would end in disaster.

Marty (As you will see he never learned a single lesson from dealing with Paul) had this guy working for him named John and he had a miniature Doberman named Rebel! Rebel was a little bigger than a Chihuahua and very yappy with his barking. Whenever Rebel saw Paul he always started barking and making noise. One day Marty and Paul are sitting on the couch watching TV together when John comes in with Rebel. The dog starts his barking shit at Paul (I don't know what Paul did to this dog and I never want to know) Marty finally gets fed up and comes up with a brilliant plan………..Brilliant as far as Marty is concerned. He picks up rebel and says matter of fact "You two are going to learn to be friends" and promptly places Rebel on Paul's lap!

As soon as Rebel's paws touched Paul's pants the dog literally BLEW shit 4 feet across the room, spraying Marty and the couch, and continued to blow shit until Paul finally let him go! Another brilliant idea of Marty's foiled by Paul!

I don't know what in Marty's mind thought that the dog was just going to all of a sudden like Paul, but either way it was great for a few laughs. The sight of Marty with this satisfied look on his face as he placed the dog on Paul, and the immediate change to horror as supersonic shit was flying into his face and all over his clothes was priceless. It's moments like those that make you glad you're alive!



When you see retarded people on TV they always show you the struggles that they have. But they never show you the real story!

Corky on the TV show Life goes on, only had minor worries like getting on a bus to go to school. They didn't tell you that Corky had no control over his body and masturbated like a mad man. And this was exactly what Paul had a problem with in his life.

I guess Paul felt he was an expert at pud pulling and he was always in search of Vaseline or lotion.

The problem was Paul couldn't read to save his life! Yeah he could write his name ok but that was about it, he got through life knowing what brand names he liked by the familiarity of the packaging, whether if it was cigarettes or soda.

So one day when my family was living in Missouri my mom hears Marty yell "God damnit Delores come out here and see what's wrong with this idiot!"

My mom comes out of the back room and see's Paul racing naked around the kitchen table, into the living room, back into the kitchen………..the whole time hopping and yelling "Woo Woo Woo."

As she gets closer and gets him to stop for a second she understood what the problem was. Paul was supposed to be in the bathroom taking a shower, but instead Paul had decided to "relax" himself a little. Instead of grabbing the lotion, he grabbed a handful of

"Icy Hot," this muscle ache stuff that starts off cold and then heats up dramatically. I can only wonder what went through Paul's mind as he applied the cool soothing cream and then sat there pulling his Pud as it turned fiery hot! My mom had to put him in the shower and get him to wash himself really good to get it off. Then of course she got on the phone and told everyone! This stuff was too good to keep to yourself!



If you like these stories let me know and I will write out more………….I have a million of them……….Enjoy!